I know this blog gets posted on multiple channels, but the avatar for my LJ seems fitting with Molly making the puckered up pouting face. When you have a bruised ego for any reason...the pouting mantle is taken up rather easily.
Work is a ball of stress for me currently. I love working where I do, I enjoy the people, what I am doing...but I do not have the capacity to work as much as some want me to. I work four days a week right now and that is doable (barely...its hard but I manage) but, to even think that at any point I can go back to five days a week when I am a full time student who cares about my grades is just unrealistic. I cannot understand why there has to be so much friction about it, but it wears on me and its stressful and I worn down about it.
School is going great, it is hard of course and challenging on multiple levels, but I enjoy it. I think I would feel a great deal better if I were able to actually sit down and really study at regular time periods (not 4 am like this morning). As a student I feel like I am not putting forth what I could if I had the time to do so. I always feel like it's just not enough and perhaps that is a personal thing, but I know how well I can do when given the time to do it. It is not like I don't completely love what I am doing...I do...I really do.
The fact that in today's age we have to make a choice between sanity and education is sad. Why cant I just go to school and not work? I understand why really in my situation the financial ramifications of me not working would be too much for Adam to handle on his own. Not to say that we couldn't afford to live on his pay alone, but it would be hard and would the comfort of no work be over the stress of only barely making ends meat? Because I fear poverty and the concept of not being able to go to the doctor if I needed to or even fix a car if it had problems...I stay at work and drive myself completely batty....I hope in the end its worth it. I love my education it means a great deal to me, but I don't want to be completely crazy when I am done.
Maybe I need a margarita night...yep.